I have to say I become a bully when others inconvenience me. The inconvenience is when I leave a space that is “NOT” left the way I left it, aka my home, my things, my space. Remember there are community spaces within the home and working together to cohabitate makes for a peaceful living. Then there is my personal space and things they have no reason to even touch.
I have chosen a long time ago to be done with enabling and showing love the old way. It is important to understand the old way and time for the upgrade. The old way is to be love to others by being and doing kind and loving acts. I still do them but without the next process of conditioning others to expect that you show up that way all the time. It is great to be authentic and hold your integrity. I have learned that when I stopped doing a pattern of kindness every day at the same time. People who have grown accustomed to having it that way feel they have the right to be angry at you for not showing up that way. They will do what they need to do to change you back. They don’t want their world to be upset. In fact, they can get darn right vicious and say things such as, “You don’t love me anymore. You use to be so kind now you are just being a bleep. You have changed!” When I hear those words in the old days I would self punish. I learned how to self punish when I was a kid. At the time of being a kid, I that it was self discipline. I wanted to be a good girl and do the right thing. I had, with my 3 year old mind, thought I was doing wrong and was hurting them. It was my fault and I had to take action to make them happy again. Now I see that because I am being me they feel they have a right to show me that I need to show up the way I am suppose to by their beliefs and definition of life. If they have grown accustom to that standard of living than I am failing them. I broke my promise and now am not honorable to be with them or I need to be taught a lesson.
I have decided that I chose to be in this body and that I am the master of my own thoughts. I am in charge of my own happiness and so are others. I lose my personal life force power by taking my 3 year old decision about life and applying it as I grow to be an adult. These decisions work for me as a child but no longer work for me as an adult. I can change my mind and do it differently. The problem with that is the decision is marked with history. My life force is still feeding that as well as feeding the new me. What happens inside of me? Conflict!!! I am over identifying with matter. I can’t serve two masters. The masters are the marked points. I no longer focus directly at them for I am consciously focusing on the next thing. These points are when I collapsed time, energy, information and consciousness. I focused as the observer on the wave of potential (opportunities) and condensed (collapsed) it into a particle, which now is mine. I am identifying that particle. The more I define it. The more I experience it, the more I over identify with it. I haven’t got a healthy exit plan to be done with that so I can go onto another.
When it is negative it will store itself in your cells. The negative will create chemical peptides that will deplete your physical self. Peptides are like keys that lock into a cell and turn the cell on to vibrate to bliss or to destroy itself. The peptides have to vibrate have to be used, release, or stored.
Another way to look at it is when I used my intention and deliberately focused on what caught my attention. I can’t stop focusing on it so I will split myself and multitask, because I can. I then marked that experience with my personal life force, which means I created an entanglement cord to that point. I will continue to feed it until I resolve the issue and file away the incident.
I am not supposed to be a waiter, slave, or cook. I am not here to enable them to expect others to do things for them. That only happens when they are infants and they are expected to be forced to let others wait on them. They have no choice. But as the kids grow and the others that we call family become to expect others will do it even when they don’t. They don’t mind a mess as they don’t see one.