My soul is projecting out in front of me this unresolved story from my past for me to heal. It does this by creating specific moments with other souls. This is my fresh experience which means life is happening right now in front of me and it is repeating very specific patterns, behavior, and programs. My soul shows me through projections called filters. It is the layers to which we project our life force through to see what we believe in and where we are losing our life force power to. I choose to teach myself to build my muscle to heal it instead of waste it. Instead of blaming I can see that this is an illusion and is not about the player (other people in my world) but about the story line I am losing my life force power to. This can be a lesson to learn or a lesson to unlearn?
In my experience today, I became a bully when: I walk up to the sink full of dishes. I have a roommate and it is understandable that she will do her dishes. That is not what bothers me. In fact, I see past her dishes for she shows the place and me respect.
It is when, I look in the sink, on the top of the counter, on top of the shelf, on to up the stove, on top of the glass display, and on top of the electric toaster oven and on top of all that, what do I see? One dish, two dishes, three dishes, four and how they seem to spawn more. They are not rinsed out nor are they organized and stacked to take care of later. These dishes are neither mine nor my roommates. No one else will own up to their responsibility.
Responsibility is the way one wants to show up. They do own up to the amnesia of ever using that dish that day or day the before. By being Pinocchio, they can get into the semantics of a word and twist it so it never sounds like a lie. Then they are very good at being a spin doctor it so it is your fault. Now I am being mean (bully) for being the mother and excusing them when they didn’t do anything. They are good at deflecting anything that is directed at them. The mirror is reflecting back the pain. Hmm, that reminds me of a cartoon or a movie where someone is sending a beam that could kill a person and the victim triumphs by grabbing a mirror and placing it in front of them destroying the villain.
Well, the family looks at me as if you I was the crazy one. With all that time in effort in the mental games of hell that they play, one could be applying that energy to producing love in a relationship. The mental games which are apparently fun for them and hell for everyone around them. They could be putting that energy to loving others. I am sure I dislike the idea of hurting someone. You see I believe, in my own little world beliefs, that doing acts of manipulations, even though it is considered funny, is still hurting someone. No matter the mask, it isn’t a price I would pay. I choose to do no harm to others including when it is funny by hurting and at someone else’s expense. I know that I made the choice that I don’t want to do that. So when it gets done to me, I lose it and want to become a bully. It is time to heal that, not to become like that behavior but heal the attraction factor that makes others do it to me and me to go into that automatic reaction.