Every day is an adventure for me. I even thought of writing a comic strip, “Adventures of Medicine Woman.” I know I would find it interesting but not sure if I could convey what it is I actually see.
December 16, 2015: My adventure this morning. I force myself out of bed to go to the bathroom. As I’m just about to sit down, I notice something was on the toilet seat. My first thought was, “I better wipe that off. As I begin to stand, that black thing began to scurry. I thought, “Oh great a cockroach.” I decided at that point to stay up. I go to my desk and sit down and glanced over at the wall. I thought, “Oh boy, another cockroach.” In my sleepy state, I hear spirit say, “You better look that up for it is a sign.” So I reach for my Animal Speaks book by Ted Andrews.
I did a healing on myself. I muscle tested a question. "My body adapts to the environment?" My body went weak which means the innate nature is telling me “No, it doesn't.” I asked. "When did my body stop being adaptable? I heard and muscle tested 35 years of age. I thought oh great, that is when I decided to go on strike. I wanted to not just be a mother, housewife, house keeper and so on. I wanted something else. When I asked for help, I got the answer no, I will not help. I am already doing enough. You have to do it. I went on strike. I was so scared I was going to die. All those unresolved continued issues began to come to the surface. I was flooded with fear and I forced myself to overcome. This was back in the day when I didn't have the tools I have today. Now you will see the problem with just overcoming. It is great to use but please resolve your issues first.
I got up from my desk and noticed the cockroach had jumped on the floor and run under my desk. Still in my sleepy state and very much connected to spirit I heard, “It is going to get on your foot.” At the same time (human only) consciously thinking, oh, that’s just fear talking. I brushed that thought off. I could have gone into over identification with ego and went into fear. I could’ve gone to the extreme and yelled and wake up my husband to kill it or get rid of it.
Let’s jump ahead a few hours, I am sitting at my desk and I hear spirits say I need to blog again. I thought I’m such a terrible writer. The negative thinking that doubting myself all started to come into play. I could hear people say you shouldn’t put that out there that makes you look unprofessional. Spirit said, “Is that positive thinking?” I thought, "No it is this negative self talk of fear.” It is other people’s voices in my head. As I continue, to learn to be a leader and live my purpose, I bring memories of how first impressions count. You only publish the best. That type of thinking shut me down. It is what I did before. So I began to shut down.
I got inspired by something that I saw on the Internet. I got excited and began to blog this time without any negative thoughts. I didn’t even think twice of what I was thinking earlier. Then I notice that my body position had changed I was kind of slouching. A few minutes had past and I stopped writing. Then I got on facebook and started playing a game. I couldn’t remember what I was doing. I thought there was some lesson I was close to learning this morning. And then I feel theing crawling on my ankle. It’s soft and it is tickly. It reminded me of a piece in hair. It got my attention so I looked down. Yes to my horror and I could’ve screamed really loud and jumped very high but I didn’t. I just knew I didn’t want it on me. It was about 2 inches long and about a 1½ inch in width. OK, I am lying; it really was the size of a dog. I jerked my foot and took a piece of paper and pushed it off and then scooped it up and throw it outside.
I sat up straight and remembered that your body and its position as well as posture hold memories and all the negative emotions that make you sit that way. Your body creates chemical peptide so you can feel and then think what is trapped. It is your body’s way of saying do you really want to create this? How about we heal this now?
The kind of mood that I was in and the personality I was distributing based on my personal reality of my inner world creates my outer world, simply looked like procrastination, not caring, lazy, not interested, can’t be bothered, checked out, not connected, or motivated.
The cockroach for me is about adaptability and how I adapted to my environment when he gets hot (many triggers here not just heat.) I can even go back to when I was 35, which was when the first program of not wanting to adapt to what others wanting me to be. How I adapted was to become disconnected, not to feel, as an empath I didn’t want to go into empathy from my family when I was on strike. All I did was learn to overcome but I’d never really healed the issue. It is now 13 years later and I’m still using what I know that worked at age 35 which no longer works as a 48 year old person. Now it just interferes with how I want to create things. I have to heal the trapped emotions, the limited decisions, the limited beliefs, and the values.
That cockroach was a wonderful sign from the yin energy, and my soul, it is time for self improvement today to have a better tomorrow. Time for me to use resolving tools so I can resolve to evolve and heal instead of deal. Stay Blessed. Medicine Woman Brenda Power.
Reminder: We all can recognize the signs and understand the sole language but if I do not take action I will have friendly reminders from my friend the cockroach. Learn to make agreements with your soul and follow through on those agreements. Otherwise, life repeats itself and it gets worse than the first.
No worries, I will be doing corrections later.