I woke up at 3 am and tapped my horary points. I laid there and the self-talk was loud. I couldn't stop thinking; I don't want to lie here anymore. But when I woke up more consciously I am thinking, "What the hell' I am not getting out of bed it is too early and to cold. I eventually fell back to sleep. I disciplined myself to stay there. I could feel my body fighting me. The energies were stagnant, congested. I could tell the lung meridian kicked in. I could feel mucus building in my lungs. My hips began to be really uncomfortable. When the alarm went off, my first remembered conscious thought was, "I am not getting out of bed."
My higherself aspect of me says, "Who said that?" "Is that mine or my husband's?" I muscle tested and it was neither. Then I realized and remembered what I had written yesterday about how the body does the talking. You remember how the majority of our thoughts are about survival. Our sensory system is checking the 4 billion bits of information and accessing and coming up with conclusions. Want to refresh your memory go to Day 1 Cont. This line of thinking got me wondering how many times out of the day am I thinking it is me when really it is a program or my body that is dictating my fate and destiny.
I use resolution tools all the time for the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects. Now to put the resolution tools to the test with the physical self-talk. I will sit in observation mode. I know that my body seems a lot happier than before. I think I was a night
The radical change that is unfolding is:
1. I change my night owl habits to become a morning person.
2. Doing my radio show, "Medicine Women Reveal" five days a week on the internet talk radio . I will still do Monday
night show from 8-10pm and Friday 5-7. My producer approves of this. Now to find a time slot. I am thinking it will be
8-9 am. Do only an hour. Don't want to burn myself out.
3. Now for the exercise part. My business partner and boarder moved in with P90X2 with the P90X1 menu. I have a
treadmill and a bike. I am thinking of getting my heart rate up. So far I hear my body say, "It is too cold in there"
meaning where the equipment is it is cold there is no heat in that room. The physical body 1 Brenda discipline 0
4. Food. I used to not eat in the morning. I might get one meal but forced myself to get two. Just the change in my
sleeping pattern. I think the circadian rhythms are playing in and I want to eat. I had 3 meals and snack of a banana.
5. Carving out time for me will be easier. I will get it during the day. Husband working. Kids are in school. Boarder works
in her room.
6. Adding in energy medicine to balance them out every day. I will be using information from Donna Eden.
7. Adding Soulpathic to help with the transition.
Going to bed at 12:30am. I was actually somewhat tired. I woke up 4:30am. I slept in a little longer then before.
The lesson today: Being accused. This is another hellish lesson that is asking to be unlearned. Everything seemed to be fine until interacting with people. I projected a few people to create something against me. One was out of the blue for me. I am not sure what is going on. Spirit says it is the parable of the jogger.
A jogger is running downtown on the sidewalk, minded their own business. A car pulls up to the intersection. Let us listen in to the people in the car. I can't believe that jogger why and the hell is he jogging on the sidewalk, people walk there. Someone is going to get hurt. Every day I drive this way and that same damn jogger has the nerve to believe he owns the sidewalk. Someday someone is going to show him. Look at him today all in green. He should know better to wear dark colors. He is going to get him killed. What an idiot. He will be the death of me yet. A week later, day in and day out this jogger is a menace to this driver. Let us say it is a Tuesday at 12:45pm. Lunch time is just about over for this driver. He is running late. He pops in to the bank to find the waiting line a mile long. He can't believe this. The jogger is in the bank to and he is at a teller. The line final moves a little and he notices that jogger is still talking to the teller. He is thankful that there is more than one teller. The man thinks to himself what the hell is taking that guy so long, he jogs everyday he probably can't hold down a job. He has no
As we view the jogger he is innocent in this relationship to the man. He doesn't even know he is having a relationship with the driver. (Quantum mirror, there is an entanglement cord that binds these two together to create those experiences. The two souls know this agreement only at the soul level.) The driver's world is so broken apart because of the jogger. Why is this story important? Sometimes you are in a fight with someone and you don't even know it. One day the information will come out of the blue and puzzle you. That is what is happening to me in this moment. I have no clue what I am being accused of doing. That what I did bothers people so much that they have to form a group to deal with their wounds for what I have done. Can I apologize, no because there is no communication. Can I explain why, no because there is... You guessed it no communication. It reminds me of a "Three company" television show. Something was always misunderstood. As the recipient to this energy, I want to know but don't. I want to clear things up and create a resolution. As a perceiver, as in temperament character types, I feel uneasy and don't want resolution because in my human mindset I got a chance to think about it and I am dwelling to some degree and it is causing a problem that isn't there for me. In my spiritual mindset, I am aware of noticing my strategy of how I am handling and dealing with this sort of thing with other people.
As a soul, I am responsible for the cause and effect. I caused this to happen because of a memory that needs to be resolved. As the day progressed, I accumulated more experiences where I didn't want to be with humans that day. My soul projected out a story through my ego lens that made some one take offense to the tone of voice they thought they heard. The tone was there but not for the reason they thought it was. They were in their own lesson of hell to unlearn. (Since I was already in the middle of my lesson, I couldn't really refuse to engage in their dwelling.) For me it was damn if I do. By the end of the night, I had shut down because I surrendered what was happening. This would be known as a freeze mode and no discharge occurred. I am now protecting myself. My body is ridged and is creating an F off vibe. I am cold and heartless. I don't want my heart to be heart anymore. This person has no clue to what is happening to me. Again the jogger) Spirit told me to just gather information. Stop any self-talk of, "What the hell did I do?" To what the hell are they doing? I observed my reaction is to hold the pain in which causes my energy in my body to be disrupted. I start to cough and unable to breathe. It happened several times. The first one was being in their thought stream. I didn't know what I they were thinking but my body picked it up and I created chemical peptides and being unable to breathe was my unconscious reaction. I listened to my self-talk and it boiled down to a limited decision, a decision that my three years old had made. "I can't do what I want." I have to have a tone of voice that doesn't bother people. I am not to act or speak a certain way because it hurts others
The mirror showed that I, as three years old, wrote in my manual for living that when I see parents getting upset and saying "Don't act that way!" to immediately behave and do what they want and stop acting that way. If I act that way this is what will happen next. I know that I don't want to repeat the consequences I had seen and experienced growing up that I put in a clause. If I act this way, stop me before I go too far. There are so many juices perceptions and points of view happening all at once in this situation.