DISCLAIMER: I am not blaming anyone. I am looking through the "Hurt" eyes of my child self. The soul needed this experience for me to help release the intense focus the observer (me) is looking at. It reacted in its human mindset and over identified with the moment with emotions becoming unbalanced. It was part of the evolution of the soul's journey. It is when we miss the mark of love.
When people are caught up with the emotions of pain and suffering, then there are feelings guilt and blame. There is the wanting it to end. When I would begin to display an autistic behavior, people around me would call me crazy and tell me to get my shit together. I have learned who I am and I know when I can't be in that type of energy field and if I can I will politely pull myself out of it. I stay too long because I am can’t say no and I don’t know when to tell them to go away. In other words, I must learn closure in a conversation and the ability to walk away from the conversation as well. I have to resolve to evolve. But in that moment I might have to resort back to old handling, pacifying and coping tools until I can't address it with proper healing resolution tools.
The Heart Wall is a barrier which the mind forms and is made up of trapped emotions. The mind literally forms a wall around the heart with these emotions to protect the heart from injury or from being broken. To the mind the wall is a reality. Initially, this barrier of protection may be a good thing as it can help a person get through a rough time, but if this wall is left in place and continues to be added on to then it becomes highly detrimental. The wall hinders love from flowing freely into or out of the heart.
This meme is really good pep-talk to help one to achieve and overcome. I have seen adults no longer be a certain way. When I see their achievement, which is great, but I also see even more energy loss to that issue. Sometimes overcoming gives you great strength and to show you what you are made of but the issues still sits there waiting to be resolved by you and only you. When one overcomes and triumphs in a human physical way, it can be suppressed even further in the recess of your subconscious mind which will cause you to use more life force to keep it buried. It can cause you to bring the law of attraction to bring the issues more to the surface and to your space and face. The universe and the law of attraction aren’t doing it to be mean. It is happening so you will create closure to it once and for all. If it was gone then some form of hell in your life would disappear as well as any physical sickness. You would no longer see it to have to address it.
Remember that one problem from yesterday, "The heart wall." Well, my soul created a way for me to re-experience an experience that happened at age three years old. I had put up heart walls to keep people out. I also blocked this experience with a safety blanket. I have been working on this particular age for a while. I had so many layers and gauntlets. I got to re-experience
I listen with my body and not my ears. That is the first thing I must honor about myself. Each of us has a relationship operating system. There are four kinds. 1. Kinesthetic 2. Auditory. Digital 4. Visual. Everyone has all four but when stressed one will filter and operate usually with just one. With our filters, a person will delete, distort and generalize. We must because we are going into stress mode aka survival mode. That is where we lose 80% of your blood from our fore-brain as it goes into our limbs for survival. We must delete, distort, and generalize even further if we are going to make it through this stress. We are doing our best to resolve this to make things certain again.
My stress operating system is through the kinesthetic. I listen with my body, I see with my body and I think with my body.
In order for one to heal, the body must release the old way that we experienced it and recorded it. We all record and store all information. The question should be asked "Why do some memories stand out more and affect us? That is because we were unable to process those moments when it occurred. The beautiful part to learn is that human body can heal 100%. The reason that sometimes it cannot is because of the moments of time that we are unable to process them. For instance, it was what Spirit spoke of in my dream that humiliation is why I am unable to receive. The question then is asked, “When did that happen?” My epiphany is, “When someone speaks in anger, frustration or anything but love it is humiliation for my three year old self. I must correct myself and become humble and do what they want.”
My fresh experience/re-experience: In the middle of the night, I have no idea what time it was, I laid there and rubbed my neurolymphahtic lung and gall bladder. It is on the sternum (lung) and on both sides of the sternum (lung/gall bladder). In between the ribs is where it can be found. I laid there and used hope therapy healing tools. I did my best to not move and wake my husband. It is just a courtesy thing for me or is it? Normally, yes would be the answer but not that night. I usually can flop around and it doesn't bother him. Because I was still playing out a lesson to be resolved, I projected him to show up as my parents one more time. In his view point, I was tugging on the blankets. He could even tell you how. I was lifting and lowering my arm which tugged on the blanket. He must explain it to me so I know how it was bothering him and to be more courteous next time. I was doing my best in that moment to not do something just like that. Well it happened but it was a necessary step to get me to get into the fresh experience one more time.
I felt so bad. I went back to sleep and because I hadn't finished out the issue down to zero and white. I had to pick up where I left off. As I ate breakfast with my husband, I can't help but to reenact my little self and be hurt and afraid to get what I want. (In just the human mindset view point, what it really looks like is I am adult that is upset and blaming him and don’t want to be with him remember I am telling you this from the higher self mirror consciousness) Fear to do things was happening in a row. I was going to make myself eggs and toast. So much time had passed since the first time I wanted to eat. I was polite and said "Breakfast?" No one ate. I was getting really hungry and decided to eat without them. I proceeded to the kitchen and now it was a feeling I have to cook for everyone. After I walked into the kitchen, it was like a breakfast bell went off. Now everyone wanted to eat. After I said "This is what I am making" my daughter didn't want what I wanted and decided to cook pancakes herself. My husband wanted fried toast. I did my best to clean up after myself. I learned to keep things as I found them or better. I felt that I let him down because I didn't make him his toast first. (Remember my little kid is in charge right now) I wanted a piece of toast and I am not sure what he said, but my little girl stopped and walked back to the counter to eat what she had. She felt she could not have the toast. A few other things happened. I just began to cry and use Hope Therapy. My husband began to feel bad. My spiritual self said "Please stop taking it personally, I am projecting my issues to be healed and you are a stand in for my father. I am to relive this moment to use healing tools to release and resolve this once and for all. So at this moment, it will have to be about me only. When you stop taking it personally, there will be nothing to be hurt by."
"When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot" Dalai Lama
The meme to the right is great. In this era lets take a look further into the mirror consciousness.
In becoming a spiritual human, you learn to spiritually investigate how the people that are in your life right now causing you hell are a stand in from the original moment you fell off your center of love. You are recreating the store to why you couldn't process it and what identity role did you take on in order to experience that role. You can resolve to evolve and not keep that role as a life time role.