I am not going to forget this time. I had a dream. It woke me up at 5:45 am. I am not letting Glial cells vacuum up these thoughts. I dreamt I was with the president and his family. They had this vehicle what resembled a golf cart with three rows of seats. There was a space next to the president and one in the back. The dream begins with me, having done something really nice for them. They welcomed me to be part of their family. I feel like they want to give praise or something. I am told to get into the cart. I go to sit next to the president but I change my mind and decide to grab my sweater from the front row seat and sit in the back. They were all happy and cheerful. They wanted me to sit with them. I go to step up into the cart and the driver begins to drive. I somehow fall and start to get dragged. I am the only one that is complaining about being dragged. Finally, the First Lady says "Stop!". The cart comes to a stop and I finish pulling out my sweater that I found on the second seat.
President - First family - It was my original family before it expanded. President - Father figure in the household, authority
Golf cart - To see or ride a golf cart suggests that you are lacking enthusiasm and determination of your goals. You have no sense of urgency in things.
Three - life, vitality, inner strength, completion, imagination, creativity, energy, self-exploration and experience. A trilogy -past, present, and future or father, mother, and child or body, mind, and soul. Or the third time is the charm.
Seat - front seat - more in control. The beginning stages of your life journey. You are just getting started on an important path.
Backseat - taking the backseat to your life. Something is overpowering you and it controls and directs your life choices. You are no longer in control of your life, it is. People are sitting in your backseat highlights your own position of power and control. Someone else's destiny or fate is in your hands.
Sweater - See a sweater warmth and love. You have a strong connection to your family and home life. Also represents innocence, immaturity, and/or naive thinking.
Drag - you are dragging something refers to your burdens and struggles. You need to unload and/or let go some of your responsibilities as it is holding you back. Perhaps it is a relationship that you need to let go of. Consider also what or who you are dragging
Next we are at the their house. Everyone is laughing and joking. We are having fun. The president says something and I am not sure what happened next. I felt like I couldn’t receive. There was food but I was unable to have any and I stood there and starved. I was tired and I couldn’t sleep. I know that I was being humiliated by another and it was more than the President. Then I heard the last line. Because of humiliation you are unable to receive. When people say words, that describe what I am am doing, I then shut down and stop doing those words, so they were unable to accuse me of it again.
House - Your soul, self
President - man in charge. Authority figure, power and control.
I clearly believe that I can't be myself. (their home). Myself (home) offers food and I am unable to nourish myself because someone else or emotion is in charge of me. I can't go on any longer living that way. I am tired but can't rest, I have to continue to do it the same old way. I don't have permission by what and how the President spoke.
| || |
Intuitive empathy – we are so sensitive we become energy sponges and absorb negative energies.
Signs if you are one.
1. Over sensitive
2. Recharge by yourself
3. Very sensitive smells, access talking or loud sounds.
4. You will drive so you can get in and out quickly.
5. Protect self; breathe out, honoring these qualities, meditation, centering negative leave your body, and set firm boundaries to stop the overwhelmed.
When I watched my sisters and brothers fight with mom, I would write in my little manual for living, that it is wrong because it hurt mom. I could see it in her heart. My mother was about to pull her hair out. I could even see how my father acted hurt my mother. I saw what they did that made her happy. I want to make my mom happy. I don’t want that angry mom to hate me. I wanted my mommy to love me. I learned to record that if I do this behavior and it hurts my mom then it is wrong and if I do this behavior my mommy will love me. I developed my own right and wrong learning system and punishment system. I established that it is wrong to boast. It is wrong to toot your own horn. I wondered where I learned it growing up.
A lesson I learned as a child that I had to unlearn as an adult was when they criticize me I am to change. I wondered why I gave up what I loved. I wondered why I would stop doing a behavior. It was so subtle I didn’t see it for many years. I had gotten to an age where when I heard it a word that represented “humiliation” I began to see the person who said it as the enemy. I began to fight back at them but yet still do that automatic reprogrammed behavior.
Example: "Women talk on the phone to much." I heard that once and then I found out one day months later that I had stopped myself from talking on the phone. When I did, it would be so short. I would catch myself saying to the person. I can’t talk long, my husband hates it and I don’t want to set him off. My husband is a great guy. It was my father and program that was saying that. My husband was a stand in for my father because I became that age when I did that behavior. I was really being that child saying it in that adult body. It didn’t matter if I chronically aged; I would turn into that program and the age to which I created it. We all do as far as I have found out in my career of helping others help themselves.
Humiliation is a big part of my life. I am to be humble and not be humiliated ever again. Yesterday’s dream I was unable to post because I forgot it. I thought "dang it" but it was an example of why I can’t have or receive opportunities. This applies to everything in my life. Every opportunity has passed by me and was handed to the next person. I have tons of examples. I will share some. I had a psychic say to me once "You have to heal something" because it has demanded that "it is a nerve in your brain that stops you from receiving". Then I had another psychic many years apart who didn’t know the first one, she said "You aren’t open to receive." I thought "what?" I was angry because I have done everything that I know of that shows people I am here to receive.
In high school they passed around a page that would end up in the year book but somehow I was missed and my name wasn’t in it. This person was sharing an experience with an object and then someone who was there did not have enough time for me. These were opportunities that I really wanted to experience and many more passed me by.
As the adult, I view patterns. One pattern that has been consistent and really wants to resolve has been receiving. I work really hard at something with no results. I stay consistent and persistent in making my career happen and I have not seen results that I know are there. I am not going to discredit all that I have received but there is a feeling that this isn’t right. Some would say hey they are great at manifesting. On their first try out they get results quick and not the small potatoes either. Some would also say "Looks like they are being handed the silver platter and they didn’t even work for it". Again, being a soul coach I see energies. I am not just a person that sounds like she is whining. I see energies of power loss that control our world.
How my younger self viewed the letter from that woman yesterday, when she disagreed and says my type of healing doesn't work, I saw it as humiliation. My adult self that is in conflict from the first order of the younger self now is fighting to say it isn’t true. If you look closely that is how inner conflict is born.
What I have described is part of the, “Attraction factor.” Once you have an experience that throws you off your center and personal power is lost, you create a new one. Sounds good but it isn't the original and it now it is just a layer that becomes your identity and a unhealthy lesson is learned. It is now because your unresolved continued story and a layer waiting for more more layers You will then begin to mark it with labels and words. You begin with making a decision which leads to experiences to create beliefs and enough accumulated beliefs turn into values and morals. Because we live in the world of opposites you will have to do the right and wrong factor. We do this because we are domesticated. We forgot to unfreeze an experience which is referred to as freeze discharge.
When the experience occurs and we go into stress mode, we must survive. Since we can discharge it we have to find some way to make it certain. We need to pacify, handle, deal, suppress and and toughen up.
Remember it is great to connect the dots. The sense of epiphany can help release a lot. It is important to make sure it is all gone for it will build back up. The whispering opportunity shall not be taken for granted. Allow yourself to check inside yourself to make sure you are not still storing trapped emotions. You heard the phrase, "Habits are hard to break." Yes that can be. Some habits are so hard to see that you think they are gone. It is so important to learn how you know what you know and unlearn what you learned from your child self. Use healing tools to create resolution to become in a more healthier alignment with your true identity.
Time for me to be guided in how I want to heal this, "Because of humiliation you are unable to receive."
MEDICINE WOMAN SPEAKS: What helped me on the path was the word Responsibility broke down in the meaning of "how are you willing to show up = respond = able to respond" I noticed we take words for granted. We think we know the true meaning of words. As a child, I use to say the definition of responsibility was doing the right thing. It followed me until I was an adult. As I began to awaken, Spirit has me define words. They refer to it is define and redefine. I define it, I ask my friends. I look at media and the world to see how they define it. Then I go to the dictionary and thesaurus. I then contemplate and ask spirit to show me how this is in my world. Once I begin that, I start to notice the old pattern of experiences show up. I then notice how it is used in my life daily. Such as the word Dread and humiliation. I don't deliberately over think it. I allow spirit to make it stand out. I live by synchronicity. It will flow and unfold by itself and it becomes like a map. Once you expand it, it can't really go back to its original size.
Remember you can follow the exercise program as well. Today is day 3 or you can scroll down in this