My friend and I are getting ready to do our once a month Retreat day. She is also having a class that I had to get all my cards written for the stones she is selling. Then another friend had car trouble and we had to endure the bitter cold. It was about helping people today. I am feeling great. It is time to snuggle and watch TV.
You probably wondering, did I have any lessons for today? I am so glad you asked because it helps me be more consciously aware of things and not let them slip by. I want to thank you for following me on my diary of change. Yes, early in the morning I was half awake and told my husband, "I am sorry I didn't mean to do it." He said, "I was acting like a little girl." I think today was my day off.
It was so subtle but loud. I almost missed the clues. Anytime there is negativity it is a clue (**). I noticed I had to apology for everything today. My husband wondered why I am doing that. Another clue was I had a certain tone and it bothered people. I felt like it is linked to my repressed emotions. Again had a great time watching "The Supernaturals". I am ready for bed now. It is two am. We will see if I progressed any further after my healing's. Here is to a good night’s rest.
I did it. I went to bed at 2 and got up at 9. At two am, I feel my body whining. I am coughing which leads to other things happening to my body. I finally stopped and asked Scotty to muscle test me. I asked, "Does my body want to go to bed?"
"NO, was the resounding answer." "Is my body tired?" "Yes, it wants to sleep." I asked my two year old self to let me feel what it was feeling. I sat and really couldn't tell you what it was feeling. My hubby said, "You were used to having a bad experience when you had to sleep with your parents." I said, "Yes." I could feel my body whining louder. Then I asked him if he could smell that smell. Here is the funny thing. I can't really smell. I started to look for the smell. My body was associating bathroom smells with sleeping. I finally decided I will clean the toilet. I checked the trash it wasn't bad. As I got to bed again, I remembered I put that smell on the shelf (**). I have smelled that smell for a few days. I even got my husband to be caught up into the illusion. It smelled better immediately. I sat on the bed again and my hubby finishes telling me about an exercise he would like me to do to help me heal. I will pretend to be your father but a nice one. We could get someone to play the mom part and be nice to you. I said; let us do this with you right now. He asked me what position does my two year old want. I told him to lie on his back and I snuggled up against his arm. I let the two year inside of me just show how it feels. I apparently was told to suppress my emotions. "Stop that!" "Quit crying." "I will give you something to cry about." As I laid there crying and letting my body jerk. The back of my nose and throat hurt. I could feel how I got asthma. I then remembered we didn't have running water in our trailer that we lived in when I was little. The bathroom was next to mom and dad's bedroom. Since there was no running water we used buckets to do our business. I remember it stank.